The Mummy, 2017.
Directed by Alex Kurtzman.
Starring Tom Cruise, Sofia Boutella, Annabelle Wallis, Jake Johnson, Courtney B. Vance, Marwan Kenzari, and Russell Crowe.
SYNOPSIS:
An ancient princess is awakened from her crypt beneath the desert, bringing with her malevolence grown over millennia, and terrors that defy human comprehension.
“Where’s your sense of adventure” asks military soldier/treasure hunter Nick (played by Tom Cruise with his usual charisma and flair for dangerous stunt work) to his partner Chris (Jake Johnson as buddy comedic relief disappointingly amounting to nothing more than screaming really loud) as they cross into Iraqi enemy territory unbeknownst to their superiors in an effort to locate great fortune. It’s the same question I pose to The Mummy reboot (the Dark Universe launching pad directed by Alex Kurtzman and scripted by a plethora of writers), which abandons thrill-seeking adventure in favor of cheap jump scare horror, dull action sequences, and some truly cringe-worthy attempt at humor.
The Mummy is the kind of movie that can’t be bothered to give its Egyptian Princess any character development or depth at all, meaning that during the countless exposition scenes (that often recover the same material explained not even 30 minutes ago) the audience gets cheesy one-liners from Ahmanet (Sofia Boutella who broke out in the excellent Kingsman: The Secret Service) like “times were different back then” after being questioned on her reasoning for murdering her father and newborn baby brother during a hierarchical power struggle. Not so surprisingly, the screening I attended laughed, except I’m pretty sure we were laughing at the movie and not with it.
It’s a shame considering that the visual effects (which seem to be a mixture of CGI and practical makeup) are impressive. Ahmanet is covered in hieroglyphic tattoos, looks dirty, and is genuinely intimidating in the role when the script isn’t giving her a bunch of nonsense dialogue to deliver. It sure is a sight to behold watching Tom Cruise confidently approach her with a large piece of forest wood only to get upper-cutted to the skies falling flat on his face. Unfortunately, whenever Ahmanet isn’t terrorizing Nick (she has cursed and chosen him as a vessel to bring about a living God into the world… how original and exciting) the direction just goes for awful mainstream horror techniques of sudden noises and characters popping on screen from nowhere, so she can give everyone the kiss of death which transforms everyone into an equally grotesque looking zombie.
Meanwhile, our heroes Nick and his work associate Jenny (Annabelle Wallis as the cliché, mythology obsessed relic seeker) stumble around looking for an explanation to the curse that they unleashed by setting Ahmanet free from her sarcophagus imprisonment. The solution to fixing this problem is so logically predictable that it makes the ancient pharaohs look like complete dunces in comparison; why the hell wouldn’t they have done this specific thing in the first place. Don’t answer, it’s a rhetorical question. Everything here is just clichés, soulless Hollywood spectacle (did we really need an over-the-top CGI sandstorm destroying a major city), empty characters, and universe building, because you know, everything has to be a universe nowadays.
Elaborating on that, The Mummy takes the most frustrating and flow disruptive approach possible to tossing in some ties to the Dark Universe by featuring a segment with Russell Crowe’s Dr. Jekyll (it’s also worth noting that Crowe sounds like he is about to fall asleep narrating the film’s opening exposition) that goes on for far too long and fails spectacularly at trying to achieve a little sympathy for Ahmanet. Before that, one positive The Mummy did have going for it was flow and a competent three act structure, but this is probably where most moviegoers will check out for good. Stop worrying about setting up future projects when the movie being currently presented is below average at best.
The only real saving grace of the film (and by extension, the entire Dark Universe) is the natural charisma of Tom Cruise, and Sofia Boutella ditching her gorgeous looks for general nastiness. If nothing else, they are committed to the material despite how thinly written it all is; for the most part, the writers don’t know what to do with the characters, so they just implement some sex appeal with multiple gratuitous body and ass shots of the actors. Honestly, I think every ancient Egyptian flashback of Ahmanet in human form finds a way to linger on Sofia’s bare ass for a bit.
Still, this Dark Universe shouldn’t necessarily be counted out yet. As Wonder Woman recently just proved, fan feedback (along with studios and filmmakers that take criticism to heart) can help salvage future experiences into something worthwhile, but as it stands The Mummy is a tonal mess with generic, lifeless characters. However, the visual effects do impress, and occasionally, the numerous action sequences offer up something creative like a vehicular forest chase where both the film and Ahmanet get inside Nick’s head.
Flickering Myth Rating – Film: ★ ★ / Movie: ★ ★
Robert Kojder – Chief Film Critic of Flickering Myth. Check here for new reviews weekly, friend me on Facebook, follow my Twitter or Letterboxd, or email me at MetalGearSolid719@gmail.com
