Snow White and the Huntsman, 2012.
Directed by Rupert Sanders.
Starring Kristen Stewart, Chris Hemsworth, Charlize Theron, Lily Cole, Sam Claflin, Toby Jones, Ray Winstone, Ian McShane, Nick Frost, Bob Hoskins, Eddie Marsan and Brian Gleeson.
SYNOPSIS:
Snow White (Kristen Stewart) joins forces with a huntsman, Eric (Chris Hemsworth), and embarks on a quest to defeat her wicked stepmother, the Evil Queen Ravenna (Charlize Theron).
Here’s yet another film attempting to win an audience by ‘going dark and gritty’ and hoping some decent visuals in the trailer will convince the audience it’s worth two hours of their time. I can tell you for a fact it is not worth my, your, or anyone’s time; it is the worst film I have seen all year.
This latest version of the Snow White story attempts to make us believe she is a brooding, strong leader of men and is ‘the chosen one’ to defeat the Wicked Witch with an army on horseback and… it’s such utter trash I won’t put you through the pain of knowing more about the ‘story’. The film, like so many since Christopher Nolan found success reinventing the Batman franchise, is dimly lit and the colour pallet is grey, black, brown and dark green which, according to the film makers, is tough, daring, and original. No, it’s bland, boring, and instantly forgettable.
Kristen Stewart displays the acting range of a cardboard cut-out and is believable in not one frame of this tragically over long disaster’s 127 minutes. Next to her is Chris Hemsworth whom, while not quite a cardboard cut-out, has the onscreen charisma of a crash test dummy; they make for the most lifeless and dull onscreen pairing you could ever wish for.
As sorry as you can feel for someone who picked up multimillions for acting in such tripe, Charlize Theron gets my sympathy. She is clearly trying her damnedest to make her Wicked Witch a memorable screen villain and I won’t fault her over-the-top performance but the dialogue she is given must have been written with magnets on a fridge for it is inconceivably bad. She’s reduced to nothing more than a narrative tool to blurt out nothing but exposition because there is no other way to keep the scenes moving from one to the next.
Are there any positive to this film? The CGI is mostly excellent and the set design is also very atmospheric at times but this is the bare minimum you expect from a budget of $175m. Yet what’s the point in CGI and nicely created sets when the reason they even exist is to bring to life such a head achingly bad story and script? The answer, as always, is NO POINT.
At a time when bad films are being released seemingly every week, Snow White and the Huntsman stands out like a beacon of all that’s wrong with modern cinema.
Flickering Myth Rating – Film: ★ / Movie: ★
Rohan Morbey – follow me on Twitter.
