Tom Jolliffe looks back at the late great Robbie Coltrane’s duo of farcical Catholic capers, Nuns on the Run and The Pope Must Die…
The late great Robbie Coltrane’s passing came as a sad surprise to many. Coltrane’s comedic talents were offset by an ability to play tough characters, or those with a hearty dose of pathos. For my generation, I grew up seeing Coltrane as the inimitable Cracker, but additionally as a bit player in childhood favourites like Krull. That’s not to mention becoming a memorable repeat player in two of Pierce Brosnan’s four outings as James Bond.
Coltrane had a long and varied career but would become a reliable character actor whose participation brought with it a stamp of quality. He’d never leave a scene without a memorable moment, or an innocuous line made far beyond what was written on the page.
Having recently re-watched and thoroughly enjoyed the Harry Potter franchise, I, like two generations of young folk since 2001, was wholly enamoured with Coltrane’s warm, funny and often poignant portrayal of Hagrid. Ultimately it has become his most iconic role. A performance, running through the entire series that made him irreplaceable in the role, as much as Harrison Ford as Indiana Jones.
For me though, I have two particular favourites marking some of my earliest encounters with Coltrane’s work. They both have cases of mistaken identity, with Coltrane running afoul of gangsters and finding himself thrown into the world of the Catholic Church as both a Nun and the Pope.
The two films came out in 1990 and 1991, and became regular TV fixtures through the early to mid-90s, with the unshakably likeable Coltrane making them a welcome appearance in the TV guide. If either was on, I’d inevitably rewatch it, before time seemed to drift beyond them and those appearances became more irregular. The films were Nuns on the Run and The Pope Must Die, and so with Coltrane’s untimely passing, I decided it was high time to look back. Let’s see if they hold up…
The Pope Must Die
The Pope Must Die sees Coltrane as a bumbling priest unable to adhere to his disciplined duties in the remote monastery he works in. His childish antics make him hugely popular with the local orphans but a thorn in the side of the mother superior (Annette Crosbie) who quickly decides it’s time to have him moved on. Meanwhile, the Pope has died and a search is on to find his replacement.
Here’s the thing; the upper echelons of the Catholic Church are rife with corruption and ties to the Mafia, and the Mafia boss (Herbert Lom) wants an inside man selected to be the next Pope. In a comedy of errors (thanks to a half deaf Adrian Edmondson mishearing a name), the bumbling priest (Coltrane) is mistakenly selected. Initially the mafioso try to dupe him into signing blank checks and continuing their huge laundering scheme, but he’s not bumbling on matters financial. The more the new Pope tries to look into the financial anomalies, the more troublesome he becomes and thus, he must die.
The Pope Must Die caused some controversy prior to its release, with the Catholic Church understandably angered over the themes, artwork used and the title itself. Thus in some territories (notably the US) it was often known as The Pope Must Diet. This was one I often thought back to with fond memories, and some moments burned into my mind, such as Coltrane dressed in his Priest outfit and rocking out with his Orphans on his electric guitar. Has it stood the test of time?
Whilst far from perfect with a concept that doesn’t quite have the legs or energy to sustain its 97 minutes, The Pope Must Die is still a lot of fun. It’s farcical, silly and has plenty of memorable moments. The biggest strength within the film is Coltrane himself. He’s affably silly and effortlessly likeable as he unwittingly evades the Mafia (before the realisation fully hits him). As expected, he begins to grow into a role as Pope which initially even he realises must be some glaring mistake. So he learns responsibility, whilst the Church learns to open itself a little to simple pleasures and less self-seriousness.
Coltrane powers the film through, even when the film threatens to drag. He’s also ably supported by great turns from Herbert Lom, Alex Rocco and Ade Edmondson. Written and Directed by Peter Richardson (The Comic Strip Presents, of which Coltrane has appeared several times), it doesn’t land with all its humour, but it’s also not preoccupied with taking cheap potshots at Catholicism either. I’d certainly catch up with this one again.
Nuns on the Run
Nuns on the Run was the one I most enjoyed of the two back in the day. A couple of (slightly bumbling) bank robbers, working for a London gangster escape their boss and rival triads with the loot from a job, where a local waitress (Camille Coduri) is caught in the crossfire. Whilst escaping, they dive into the first open building they can find, which happens to be a college for Nuns.
Finding a couple of habits and posing as nuns, the pair hide out with police, gangsters and triads on the lookout for them. Then to add to the complications, Faith (Coduri) also comes in posing as a nun but sporting a bullet wound which rouses suspicion about her from the Sister Superior (Janet Suzman).
Jonathan Lynn’s ludicrous but thoroughly enjoyable caper is turbo powered by the chemistry of Coltrane and Eric Idle as the affable crooks in over their head. They just want to find an opportune moment to escape to Brazil with their stolen loot. There’s a stumbling block at every turn of course, and growing suspicion within the college from an alcoholic nun with a gambling addiction who has frittered away £50,000 thousand of Church money on the horses. Meanwhile, the partially sighted Faith, forever running around half blind without her glasses, is also head over heels in love with Brian (Idle). He feels the same but doesn’t want to get her in danger.
The duos pursuers gravitate in close proximity to the hideout making said opportune escape impossible, but it’s okay, they have distractions within, having to teach the young (attractive) female nuns in training the ins and outs of the Holy Trinity. The young nuns like to party and take a shine to the two.
Inevitably we get plenty of goofy moments with Coltrane and Idle caught in a female locker room as the hot young nuns shower, or attending a boozy party laid on by them, before we return to the nitty gritty of trying to rescue Faith (who has ended up in hospital watched by every faction), regain their cash (locked in a wardrobe by one of the senior nuns) and escape to freedom. Plenty of farce along the way, before the inevitable happy ending.
Coltrane’s comedic skill always meant he could riff brilliantly with co-stars, be it Bob Hoskins in Mona Lisa, his young co-stars in Harry Potter or indeed ex-Python legend Eric Idle. It’s ultimately that chemistry which carries much of the film, whilst the delightfully ditzy Coduri is also excellent.
If for the most part, The Pope Must Die still held together reasonably well, despite flat moments, Nuns on the Run retains a better pace and energy throughout the entire picture. The visual dynamic of Idle and Coltrane as nuns is inherently amusing. Nuns on the Run, for a goofy crowd-pleasing lark, still holds up to my childhood image of it. It’s no A Fish Called Wanda by any stretch, but it’s still great fun.
What is your favourite Robbie Coltrane performance? Let us know on our social channels @flickeringmyth…
Tom Jolliffe is an award-winning screenwriter and passionate cinephile. He has a number of films out on DVD/VOD around the world and several releases due out in 2022/2023, including, Renegades (Lee Majors, Danny Trejo, Michael Pare, Tiny Lister, Nick Moran, Patsy Kensit, Ian Ogilvy and Billy Murray), Crackdown, When Darkness Falls and War of The Worlds: The Attack (Vincent Regan). Find more info at the best personal site you’ll ever see here.
