Gary Collinson ponders the fate of The Man of Steel had the stars aligned differently in Movies That Might Have Been…
What We Got…
Absent from the screen for almost two decades, The Man of Steel finally returned to banish the ghost of 1987’s The Quest For Peace (and part III, for that matter) in 2006 with Superman Returns. Or rather, sort of banish the ghost. Sure Brandon Routh was okay (at least as far as Christopher Reeve impersonations go), there wasn’t a Nuclear Man in sight and as a continuation of Superman: The Movie and Superman II the film isn’t all that bad, but it really could have been a whole lot better. In fact, after prising Bryan Singer from the X-Men franchise, reuniting him with Kevin Spacey and throwing over $200m in his direction, it should have been a whole lot better.
So, what did we get then? Well, after buggering off from Earth for five years to search for the remains of Krypton (or possibly to avoid a paternity claim), Superman returns (obviously) to Metropolis just in time to save the world from another diabolical scheme courtesy of that dastardly Lex Luthor. Now just hold on a minute here, haven’t we seen this all before? There’s me thinking this was stale back in 1987. And what’s all that about Superman having a kid? I mean come on – that just brings up the whole Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex thing and you really have to feel sorry for Lois having the son of the Last Son of Krypton kicking seven bells out of her for nine months before flying out of her faster than a speeding ping-pong ball from a Thai hooker. James Marsden also deserves some sympathy because I know I’d not like to be the guy to have to follow Superman in.
What Might Have Been…
What do you do when you’re having trouble kick-starting your DC Comics superhero franchise? You turn to the guy that’s just banked you over $675m with your other DC Comics superhero franchise of course! And so it was with Warner Bros., who handed the keys to Metropolis over to Tim Burton back in 1996 for Superman Lives. Based off a screenplay by comic book guru Kevin Smith, the film would have seen The Man of Steel duke it out with Luthor, Brainiac and Doomsday, along with a giant spider courtesy of producer Jon Peters, who also didn’t want to see Superman in flight and preferred a black suit over the traditional – or in Peters’ words, “faggy” – red and blue.
Having ripped the guts from Smith’s screenplay and inserted a new antagonist in the form of an amalgamated Lex Luthor and Brainiac called Lexiac (I shit you not), Burton turned his attention to casting. So who do you get to bring one of the most iconic characters in history to the screen? Well, if you’re Tim Burton there’s only one man for the job… Nicolas Cage. Yes, that Nicolas Cage. Now forgive me, the guy can do action but Superman? Please! Fair play to the fella though – he managed to bag himself a $20m pay-or-play contract and must have been laughing all the way to the bank when the project was thankfully binned in April 1998.
But what if it had survived? How would Superman Lives have turned out? Well, you’d have to be a fool to bet against anything other than a complete and utter disaster. Sure, it would have raked in the cash – it is Superman, after all – but a quick search on Google and you’ll shudder at the prospect of what could have been. Courtney Cox as Lois Lane? Chris Rock as Jimmy Olsen? Tim Allen as Brainiac? Yep, it certainly would have been a stinker. And with Michael Keaton popping up in a cameo (“not exactly” as Batman), one could imagine it would only be a matter of time before the inevitable Batman vs. Superman shat all over the DC Universe.
Have we missed out then?
In one word – no. Superman Returns was far from great but Superman Lives would have been awful. Who knows what damage it could have done to the superhero genre. Could Warner Bros. have outdone the travesty of Batman & Robin? Would Fox have taken a chance on the X-Men? Might Spider-Man have had the chance to swing his way to success at Sony? You get the picture, I’m sure. Besides, if Bryan Singer never got the opportunity to cock it up with Superman Returns the studio wouldn’t be able to turn it over to the saviour of the Batman franchise once again. Let’s just pray that Christopher Nolan does a better job than Tim Burton.
Any thoughts on how you think this would have worked out? Feel free to leave your comments…
