Devin Faraci over at Badassdigest is claiming that he has the ‘exclusive’ plot details to Star Wars: Episode VII. While I’m doubting their veracity, there is still an outside chance that some of this could potentially constitute spoilers (in a world where pigs fly). Faraci says…
“Imagine the standard Star Wars crawl, and when it ends the camera pans up to the stars. But instead of a spaceship zooming into frame we see… a hand! A severed hand, tumbling through space. A severed hand gripping a light saber.”
It’s so idiotic I’m almost inclined to believe it. I didn’t believe the Jar Jar rumors when I heard them either. My instincts tell me it sounds almost too ludicrous to be true. Apparently the severed hand travels through space before winding up on a familiar planet…
“That hand falls onto a desert planet, where it is discovered by characters who will be our heroes. One is Daisy Ridley. The other is John Boyega, who is playing someone trying to change his path in life (again, I’m keeping it vague here). They recognize the light saber as a Jedi relic and decide to return it to the proper people.”
Faraci says he’s ‘keeping it vague’ which is quite often an online euphemism for ‘total horsesh*t’. If you’re interested in some rampant speculation, click the link.
A severed hand with a lightsaber falls through space. This is how Episode VII opens? Is there anyone out there that thinks this sounds like a good idea?
Star Wars: Episode VII is set for release on December 18th 2015, with returning stars Mark Hamill (Luke Skywalker), Harrison Ford (Han Solo), Carrie Fisher (Princess Leia), Anthony Daniels (C-3PO), Kenny Baker (R2-D2) and Peter Mayhew (Chewbacca) joined by Adam Driver (Girls), Oscar Isaac (Inside Llewyn Davis), Andy Serkis (Dawn of the Planet of the Apes), Domhnall Gleeson (Dredd), John Boyega (Attack the Block), Daisy Ridley (Silent Witness), Gwendoline Christie (Game of Thrones), Lupita Nyong’o (12 Years a Slave), Max von Sydow (The Exorcist), Christina Chong (24: Live Another Day) and newcomers Crystal Clarke and Pip Andersen.
Originally published July 20, 2014. Updated April 12, 2018.
