Quarantine (S05E04)
Really, no ‘best of’ list of Red Dwarf episodes is complete without “Quarantine”. Simply put, this is one of the funniest episodes the series ever produced. Exploring a deserted ship, Lister, Cat and Kryten encounter a holographic Dr. Langstrom, who has been infected with a holo-virus. But as they come back on board Red Dwarf, an annoyed Rimmer places them in quarantine to make sure they’re not infected by the virus either. Little do the crew know, but Rimmer himself has actually caught it, leading to him dressing up in a red and white checked gingham dress and army boots with a penguin handpuppet named Mr. Flibbles (“I can’t let you out… Because the king of the potato people won’t let me”). Even without this visual hilarity and brilliant performance from Barrie, “Quarantine” features some outstanding jokes between Lister, Kryten and Cat when stuck in a single room (“Well, let’s forego the noise and the revolting burbling sound and go straight to the really gross part where you always, and I mean always, having blown your nose, have to open up the handkerchief and take a look at the contents. I mean, why? What do you expect to see in there? A Turner seascape, perhaps? The face of the Madonna? An undiscovered Shakespearian sonnet?”). Just a brilliant episode.
Back to Reality (S05E06)
Red Dwarf had played with the idea of virtual reality a couple of times prior to “Back to Reality” (and would do it again with my next choice), but this is probably the smartest of the lot. During an exploration where they find a crew has all committed suicide, the crew of Red Dwarf find themselves in battle with the Despair Squid, a fight which they lose, leading to the end of their game. That’s right, the crew of Red Dwarf are actually just regular guys who strapped themselves into a virtual reality game simulator called Red Dwarf for the last four years (a reveal also features a great cameo from Timothy Spall calling everyone a “twonk”). They find out that everything they did was wrong; Lister was supposed to get Kochanski, Rimmer was supposed to be a hero. Now waking up, they must rediscover who they really are (“What the hell happened to my teeth? I could open beer bottles with my overbite!”). With this being the final episode of series 5, “Back to Reality” feels far too much like the end of the franchise completely. It almost feels like this could have been the final moments and that this is how the story will end. It’s an episode less about amazing jokes, but more about intrigue and puzzlement that keeps you guessing right until the very end (“Listen, whoever you are, don’t push your luck by ordering whoever I am around, because almost certainly, whoever I am, I’m not the kind of guy who’s gonna take any crap from whoever you are. So before you start ordering me around, let’s establish if I’m the kind of guy who doesn’t mind being ordered around or if I’m the kind of guy who gets all uptight about being ordered around by whatever the kind of guy you are.”).
Gunman of the Apocalypse (S06E03)
Like “Quarantine”, “Gunman of the Apocalypse” is an episode that simply has to feature on any list when it comes to Red Dwarf. Really, it’s one of the least funniest episodes in the whole series’ run, but there is something so brilliant about it. Perhaps it’s because its tone feels so different, or that it sets itself apart from the rest of the episodes, but “Gunman of the Apocalypse” is just fabulous television. A group known as Simulants infect Starbug with a virus that sends it on a collision course with a volcano planet, and the crew plug Kryten into the virtual reality simulator in order to fight it. But when that goes wrong, Lister, Rimmer and Cat must also log into the game and play a Western where Kryten is a drunk sheriff who doesn’t know who his friends are. Although I said it isn’t one of the funniest episodes, it does have its far share of laugh out loud moments. Who can forget Lister and Cat trying to trick the Simulants (“I am Tarka Dal, an ambassador of the Great Vindalooian Empire”) or Rimmer being out of place in a Western setting (“I’ve seen Westerns. I know how to speak cowboy. Leave the talking to me. Dry white wine and Perrier, please.”). But really “Gunman of the Apocalypse” is more about the great filmmaking rather than the jokes. It even won an Emmy.
Rimmerworld (S06E05)
Sometimes Red Dwarf was it its best when it was just pointing out how much of a smeghead Rimmer was. In this episode a separated Rimmer falls into a time hole and crash lands on an uninhabited planet. But because the planet is surrounded by a time hole, Rimmer is separated from his Starbug cohorts for centuries rather than the few hours they’re actually behind. So what Lister, Kryten and Cat find when they land is a planet dominated by clones of Rimmer who don’t like anyone that doesn’t look like them (“Dear lord, what has created such foulness? Is it the product of a marriage twixt woman and gerbil?”). The episode does feature some great lines (“she would technically be my sister, but after much deliberation I came to the right conclusion: I just wouldn’t tell her”), but it’s more about the visuals. A whole planet of Rimmers (including the females) and an imprisoned Rimmer with his tiny Chinese stress balls are just marvellous.
Blue (S07E05)
Rounding off our list is the series seven episode “Blue”, which was the last to feature Barrie as Rimmer until he was brought back for series eight. What makes “Blue” such an enjoyable episode is that it plays up on the friendship between Rimmer and Lister. Although they’ve always been at odds with each other, “Blue” paints a very different picture, and it’s really quite sweet. Now that Rimmer has left the crew to be the new Ace Rimmer, Lister begins to miss his companion. In an effort to remind Lister that Rimmer was a smeghead, Kryten creates The Rimmer Experience complete with a tiny singing and dancing Rimmer. The episode is notable because of the departure of Barrie, but it also features some outstanding moments, and some could argue very progressive jokes – including the infamous kiss between Lister and Rimmer. But, really, it’s best known for the tiny singing and dancing Rimmer (“I never wanna see or hear from that scum sucking, lying, weasel minded smeghead in my entire life.”)
What are your favourite episodes of Red Dwarf?
Red Dwarf returns to Dave tonight at 9pm
Luke Owen is the Deputy Editor of Flickering Myth and the co-host of The Flickering Myth Podcast and Scooperhero News. You can follow him on Twitter @ThisisLukeOwen and read his weekly feature The Week in Star Wars.
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